I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize