At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
