she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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