I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
