youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
