I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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