My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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