Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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