i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
