She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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