best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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