he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
