i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
