im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
