Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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