Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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