Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
