they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
