you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize