Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
