The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
