You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i would punch a child for taco bell
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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