I wanna bring you to show and tell
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
