What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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