Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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