I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
