Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
