she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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