i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize