he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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