Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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