Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
