you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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