apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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