I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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