Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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