He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
