just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
