Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
