"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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