Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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