she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
