She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
