Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
