I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
