Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
