omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
