your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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