she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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