I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
