and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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