How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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