Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
