I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
