the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
