you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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