i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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