What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
