You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
