Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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