seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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