just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
